How to Look Backwards and Forwards: Ancestors, Descendants, and The Magical Glue of Now
My mother sent me a text a few weeks ago. She had a dream about us; we were happy, cooking together in her kitchen. We’ve never cooked together. I don’t know what it smells like or feels like to spend time in a kitchen together - but I want to.
Food is shared by the living, left as offerings to the dead, and passed down as traditions of a family, a time, and a place for those to come. It is one of the many ways in which a culture survives. These mundane activities are where the magic of ancestry lives. I’ve since been haunted by her dream, as I think about what I spend the majority of my time doing, normalizing, learning- and in turn, teaching. What then shall I have to pass down? What will my legacy be?
The topic of ancestors continues to permeate spaces of magical thinking, as well as traditions of the autumn season. And essential as it is to finally acknowledge once again the importance of what was, perhaps we’re leaving out an important component of our spiritual lineage. What of the descendants, and those to come? What are we leaving for them? Seeds to germinate, or lessons to learn? Culturally, many folks are experiencing a moment of personal renaissance. The season of the SELF is king. Self-care. Self-love. Self-awareness. Self-promotion. We’re steeped in self-involvement. Perhaps this is an expected pendulum swing after generations upon generations of self-avoidance, putting the needs of the individual aside for the expectations of the greater community at hand; whether it be for family, political or religious affiliation or otherwise.
The communities of the past look like failure through the lens of the present. There have been unquenched desires, heartbreak, opportunities lost to a humdrum reality, abuse and intolerance towards those who are different than the majority, and a normalized hopelessness for anything resembling individuality. But what’s to happen when we flip the binoculars, exchanging the scrutinizing smaller side for that of the big picture? It’s hard to see a puzzle through a single piece. However, the challenge and patience required in arrangement is so worth it as the beautiful detail of fullness is revealed. Maybe that confusing and seemingly nonsensical curvature and sharpness of each piece - of each moment - begins to make more sense. Each are an aspect of ourselves, a picture of what brought us here. What to be grateful for knowing, tip our hats towards, and to move forward consciously with - or without. The real beauty of knowing where we came from is having the thoughtful and wise ability to edit. With each generation, the possibility of revision and refinement is possible. But only if we are willing to look, to know, and to realize the past.
In my own North African ancestry, there are traditions I find impossible to perceive as healthy to pass on, especially as humanity becomes more sensitive to trauma. The treatment of women or queer people within a given community for the sake of preservation is damning, as well as the control maintained for the same unclear or dusty logic. Preservation is another word for fermentation - and what we do not allow to change will inevitably begin to rot. There is something noble in the act of retaining tradition, and this isn’t to say it’s always wrong. But to try and keep things the same forever and safeguard for the sake of nothing other than tradition is, at best, gravely naive, and at worst, complicit to the passing of needless pain. One tradition I love is the conscious, collective change of tradition itself.
Refinement is a birthright, but only when we do so with the fluff pulled from our ears, and the blinders taken off of our eyes. It’s easy to claim a right, or feel an ownership. And it’s not inaccurate. It can however be incomplete, which will only make us feel more lost in our search. If we are to create new, safer structures to live in, upgrade our recipes to be tastier and healthier, or make medicines of our family and ancestors using more readily available plants and herbs, we must humble ourselves to the past, study that which we came from, ask questions from our elders - and then listen. Even if we don’t like everything we hear or discover (which is likely, so prepare for all sides of understanding), it is real, and necessary to move forward with all the grace and strength that our blood contains.
